i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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