I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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