Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
