Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
