so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
