He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Pants are for mortals
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
