Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Welp...herpes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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