Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
