i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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