PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
