His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
