I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We have started to decorate penises.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
