to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
