So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
