East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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