Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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