does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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