I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
