how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
