Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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