Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
