You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
