My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
