I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
