Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
