I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
