oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
