maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
