i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Randomize
