I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
