her vagina looked like bernie madoff
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
