I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The best revenge is premature balding
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
