So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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