just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
