I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
