White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
