I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
