cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
