It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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