Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
She's better-looking with the mask on.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
