just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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