The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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