hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
