Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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