ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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