I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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