would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
