It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you would pick up someone in the library
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
