just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Can you bring me the toilet please
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
