This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
