Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
