I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
